The Journal
by DevineM27
Summary: A mysterious journal appears on Atlantis, affecting the lives of all who read it.
1. Ch 1: The Journal

**Title: **The Journal

**Series: **Stargate Atlantis

**Theme: **General**/**Romance

**Characters: **Main Cast of SGA

**Rating/Warning: **PG-13/Mild Language

**Summary:** A mysterious journal appears on Atlantis, affecting the lives of all who read it.

**Links:** devinem27 (dot) livejournal (dot) com

**The Journal**

Susan closed her eyes and let out a weary sigh. She'd been staring at the computer screen for so long her eyes were beginning to cross. Reaching out, she picked up the coffee mug and brought it to her mouth. The cold, bitter liquid that met her lips was far from satisfying. Susan let out a groan of frustration. She would need another hour or two to complete this report, but before that could happen she would need to take a break. And get a fresh cup of coffee. Unfortunately, the only place to get a freshly brewed cup of Jo at this late an hour was in the dining hall; a nice fifteen minute walk away.

With her mug still in hand, Susan pushed herself back from the lab table and slowly made her way to the door. Once out in the corridor she picked up her pace. Susan made her way through the deserted halls of the city, enjoying the peace and quiet. She preferred it this way. Often, during the hustle and bustle of the day, Susan felt unable to focus. She tried to spend as much time as possible secluded in the lab, but between Dr. McKay, Dr. Zelenka and, on occasion, Col. Carter it was impossible to find the tranquility that she desired. Which left working nights as her only reasonable option.

Susan rounded the north east corner and took a deep breath. She slowed to a halt and breathed deep again. _Coffee._ She could just catch a hint of its rich aroma in the air. As she continued down that hall the scent grew stronger. Using her nose as a guide, Susan slowly made her way to a small lounge area. She stood in the doorway and glanced across the room at the coffee brewer sitting on a side counter. Susan made a beeline for the carafe and poured herself a fresh cup. After mixing in a little cream and sugar, she took a sip and sighed with pleasure as the piping hot liquid glided down her throat.

Susan turned and leaned against the counter. She continued to sip her coffee and glanced around the room. There was a sofa and chairs situated around a large TV, which was connected to a DVD player, magazines, games, even a table and chairs for eating or playing cards. Someone was using this room and yet she'd never heard mention of it.

Susan's eyes moved back to the table, noting the book sitting there. She walked over and flipped through the front and back pages looking for a name. None could be found, but three of the pages contained writing. Susan sat down and began to read.

_I leave this journal for you. Write in it what you will. I only ask four things in return:_

_1. Do not use names._

_2. Limit each of your entries to 1 page._

_3. Do not remove this journal from this room._

_4. Do not use this journal to threaten, harass or attack others._

_Enjoy!_

_XOXO_


	2. Ch 2: Journal Entries

**Title: **The Journal

**Series: **Stargate Atlantis

**Theme: **General/Romance/Mystery

**Characters: **Main Cast of SGA

**Rating/Warning: **PG-13/Mild Language

**Summary: **Many leave simple messages, gossip, jokes, songs and stories. But some leave their innermost secrets.

**Links: **devinem27 (dot) livejournal (dot) com

**Journal Entries**

_I want you, for myself_  
I don't wanna have to share you with nobody else  
I want you, baby  
Come to me  
Let me give you all the lovin' that you need  
I wanna touch your body  
Feel your arms around me  
I wanna be your fantasy, your dream come true  
I wanna need your loving'  
Make you my only woman  
I wanna love you, love you, love you, baby  
I belong to you

Until I feel your heartbeat pounding next to mine  
I've got work to do  
'Til every single star up in the sky  
Knows that I belong to you

Song: I Belong To You

Singer: Brian McKnight

I love this song. It sounds like what I've always believed love should be; selfish, giving, demanding, consuming and yet freeing at the same time. I only hope that one day I can find someone that makes me feel this wanted, this needed. Well anyway, hope you liked it and if you get the chance to hear the actual song, I highly recommend you take a few minutes to do so. Cheers!

**Lyric from the Heart**

* * *

_I guess you could say_I've been patient all of my life. As a child I was never in a hurry to grow up or become an adult. I liked being a kid. I even liked school. My patience has helped me through my teen years, college and my career. I create a goal, I make a plan and I patiently wait; silently watching as my ideas flourish. It's something that I've grown very good at. It's something that I've become accustomed to. But lately I often find myself wondering: Is there such a thing as being too patient? And how long is too long?

I've met a man, a wonderful man. He is far from perfect, but his faults are a part of what I find interesting about him. It took a while for us to get together, but it finally happened and when it did I saw a glimpse of the real man inside. He's funny, smart, caring in an absent minded sort of way and lovable, but most importantly he likes me just as I am. It didn't take long for me to fall in love, but his feelings for me remained unclear. So, I decided to do what I do best; to be supportive, to be patient and to wait.

Is there such a thing as being too patient? Yes. How long is too long? It's when you've become so used to waiting, become so dormant, that you actually see your chance at happiness slip through your fingers. In that moment, when your eyes widen with hope, your heart swells with love, one word resounds in your head, tickles your throat and glides down to the tip of your tongue waiting to burst free. But the opportunity never comes. You hesitate and your moment of fleeting joy is horribly crushed by disappointment. Before you can speak, before you can move, the decision is made; it's over. And you're left standing alone, .….

**Heartbroken**

_

* * *

_

_Hmmm, well this is new._

The idea of writing in a journal is very simple and yet knowing that an anonymous person left it, in a somewhat public place, for others to write in smacks of mystery. Does one dare to leave a message? Are the journal entries written by one or by many? Is this a game? Entrapment? Or just a lonely soul reaching out to others as best they can? But most importantly, who does this journal belong to?

I have to admit, I am intrigued. At the moment, I really don't have anything to add, but I will be back and am looking forward to an interesting read.

**Curious**

_A riddle: _

- Over 1,000 people went down on me.

- I wasn't a maiden for long.

- A big hard thing ripped me open.

The answer? I'll tell you later. In the mean time…..

**Clear Your Dirty Mind**

_

* * *

_

_He's gone._

I can no longer feel his presence in my heart or picture him with my mind. The joy that he once brought into my life has ended, replaced by an unimaginable pain.

Every day I struggle. I struggle to face a bright and welcoming morning, when my soul feels heavy with darkness. I struggle throughout the day, searching for the energy and peace that once flowed from my spirit. I struggle to continue fighting a fight that began thousands of years before either of us came to be and seems destined to continue well after we have both gone.

He was my focus. He was the strength that I needed to go on. He was my hope for the future, but now he's gone.

**teal**


	3. Ch 3: Saying Goodbye

**Title: **The Journal

**Series: **Stargate Atlantis

**Theme: **General/Romance/Mystery

**Characters: **Main Cast of SGA

**Rating/Warning: **PG-13/Mild Language

**Summary: **It was her voice that came to him as he read the journal entry. The similarities were too strong to deny.

**Links: **devinem27 (dot) livejournal (dot) com

**Chapter 3: Saying Goodbye**

The sound of muffled voices followed Rodney as he made his way through the corridors of Atlantis. He kept his gaze low to avoid eye contact. There was no time for chit chat or any other kind of delay. He had only one destination in mind and he needed to hurry before it was too late.

Rodney couldn't remember who he'd overheard discussing a journal that they'd found in one of the lounges. At the time, he hadn't cared to hear about the gossip and lies that people were writing about each other in some book. He'd actually forgotten about it, until his need for a cup of coffee and the heavenly scent of its aroma led him into an unfamiliar room. And there it sat waiting, daring him to read a page or two.

Rodney had expected to find a bunch of nonsense; crude jokes, insulting comments, even personal attacks. But what he'd never expected to find was Katie. Of course, he wasn't one hundred percent sure that it was her, but it was her voice that came to him as he'd read the journal entry. The similarities were too strong to deny.

Rodney turned at the next corner and quickly stepped back, just missing the Marine carrying an arm load of boxes. Two others followed before the doorway finally cleared and he could see Katie inside her quarters. She stood beside the bed, scribbling on a box. Even at this distance he could see that she looked tired, sad.

Rodney hesitated. He and Katie hadn't spoken since he found out that she was leaving. He hadn't even realized that he was the one to cause 'the breakup' until Jen and Sam had told him so. Rodney considered just letting it go. What good could come from telling Katie that he loved her, but that he still didn't feel ready for marriage? He sighed and slowly began to turn away.

"Rodney?"

Plastering on a grin as he turned to face her, Rodney offered a little wave with his hand.

"Yeah, it's me."

He was surprised by the joy in her expression. Katie smiled as she crossed to his side, her head titled in question.

"Are you here to see me? To say goodbye?"

Rodney's eyes widened as he nodded.

"Sure! Yes, I'm…uh… here to say goodbye. Of course."

Katie smiled.

"I'm glad. I wasn't sure if you would. You seemed a bit angry the last time we spoke."

Rodney's grin fell.

"Well, at the time I didn't know that we had broken up. It was a bit of a shock."

Katie frowned.

"_Rodney_, how can you say that? You told me you didn't want to get married. What else was I supposed to do?"

Rodney sliced the air with his hand.

"_Give me more time! _That's what I asked for."

He sighed.

"I never said I didn't want to marry you. Katie, I love you. Of course I'd like to marry you. It's just that I know I'm not ready for that kind of commitment."

Katie smiled sadly.

"Yes I know, Rodney, but how long do you expect me to wait? A month? Six months?"

He stared at her in shock.

"It _was_ you!"

Katie's brow knotted.

"What?"

Rodney jerked his thumb over his shoulder.

"The journal in the lounge. You're Heartbroken, aren't you?"

Katie glanced away before finally meeting his gaze.

"Rodney, I wrote that shortly after the quarantine. At the time I was angry and….yes…I was heartbroken, but since then I've had time to think about our situation. And I realize that what you did was for the best. "

Rodney frowned.

"Your leaving is for the _best_?"

Katie placed a gentle hand on his arm.

"You had to do what was best for you. Now, I have to do what's best for me. I want marriage and babies and I want someone who's ready to make that kind of commitment. I can't find that here."

Rodney let out a long weary sigh. He knew that Katie was right, but it was a bitter pill to swallow. He suddenly jerked, surprised when she cupped his face in her hands.

"I don't regret any of our time together, Rodney. This is no one's fault. Right?"

Rodney slowly nodded.

"Right."

Rodney accepted Katie's hug and dropped a kiss on the top of her head, then pulled away and glanced down at her.

"Goodbye, Katie and good luck."

She smiled.

"Goodbye."

Rodney had reached the door when Katie called to him. He glanced back over his shoulder, meeting her gaze.

"I just wanted you to know, for the record. I would have said yes."

Rodney felt his shoulders slump and struggled to maintain his expression. He didn't reply, merely nodded and walked out of the door.


	4. Ch 4: Journal Entries

**Title: **The Journal

**Series: **Stargate Atlantis

**Theme: **General/Romance/Mystery

**Characters: **Main Cast of SGA

**Rating/Warning: **PG-13/Mild Language

**Summary: **Many leave simple messages, gossip, jokes, songs and stories. But some leave their innermost secrets.

**Links: **devinem27 (dot) livejournal (dot) com

**Journal Entries**

_Be it far from me to start a rumor_, but I need to tell someone this before I burst. It seems that love is in the air in Atlantis. Yesterday I stumbled across……well, for the purposes of this story we'll just call them two prominent figures of this city, snuggling on the west…well, I won't say where either. But, I _will_ say that he is hot and she's gorgeous. They make a lovely couple. I've always suspected something, but was never sure, but I'll be paying closer attention from now on.

Anywho, they weren't the only ones found spending _quality _time together. I guess everyone needs a little tender loving care, even wild men. I say no more.

I closing my mouth, but keeping my eyes wide open.

**Hush**

_I miss home. _There, I've said it. No one's dropped dead and as far as I can tell this world hasn't suddenly stopped spinning. I know that I should be content with what I have, and to a point I am. That I should focus on the here and now and think of my future. That I should stop looking to my past, but I can't help wondering, what if?

My career has given me numerous opportunities, benefiting both my professional and personal life. I've met some amazing people, a few who have become my closest friends. I've worked with Earth's best and brightest minds and have seen and done things that far exceeded my wildest imagination. For goodness sake, I live in Atlantis! I am living a dream. Every morning I wake up ready and willing to overcome whatever obstacles the day places in my path. I have nothing to complain about, but I do have one regret.

There's a sense of…not shame, or guilt, but unease that stays with me. I've told myself hundreds of times, 'You can't have everything' and for the most part I believe that, I do, but every once in a while a little voice from deep within me will ask, 'Why not?'. This inner turmoil tears at me. One moment I am content with my life and the next I am overwhelmed with the need to take that last step and finally say what I want. To say what would really make me happy. But now I fear that I've wasted so much time, so many opportunities, that it may be too late.

I'm going home and wouldn't you know it, I'm scared to death. The news just came to us and I've begun packing. I feel that this is happening for a reason. That this is my chance, I know it is. The timing is perfect and there are no excuses left that can hold me back. Turmoil still plagues me. One moment I'm angry to be leaving and the next I can't wait to go. It's time for me to finally speak from my heart. I'll miss Atlantis. I'll miss all of you, but it seems that unfinished business has called me home.

I wish you all success, good health and happiness.

**Lonely in Atlantis**

_

* * *

_

Riddle Answer: The Titanic

A Riddle:

- I am a protrusion that comes in many sizes.

- When I am not well, I drip.

- When you blow me, you fell better.

The answer? I'll tell you later. In the mean time…..

**Clear Your Dirty Mind**

_How does one know when_ they're in love, really in love? Admiration, respect, trust, kinship, these are things that can be applied to all that we love. We show concern for their well being, we fight to protect them, sometimes we even give our lives to preserve theirs, but this can be said for all or most loved ones. How is 'love' and being 'in love' different?

Is it physical attraction? On this matter I have mixed feelings. I do believe that physical attraction is a requirement and yet even when combined with the usual characteristics of love, it doesn't necessarily equate to the feeling of being 'in love'. I've had loved ones that I found attractive and they reciprocated the feeling, but even then we both knew that what we felt was not the sense of being 'in love'. We loved, with a crush, but were never really interested in taking the relationship further. Which made me wonder, what else was missing?

I had, presumably, all the right ingredients and still was _not_ 'in love'. Why or rather why not, I couldn't understand. I continued, for sometime, searching for the answer to my question, when suddenly it came to me. Or so I thought.

I fell in love with a very close friend. He gave me the support that I needed, when I needed it the most. He was familiar, comfortable and attractive and he made me feel wanted. It was impossible not to love this man, his gentleness and kindness nourished my soul, but after a while, I realized that something was still missing. Though I tried to push my doubts aside, they would not be held back.

I lost my love. He is gone in the physical sense, but remains in cherished memories. For a time after his death, I tried to convince myself that the feelings of love that I felt for him was the sensation of being 'in love'. I realize now, that lying to myself not only dishonors me, but him as well. I loved him, dearly, deeply, but I must confess that I was not 'in love'.

**teal**


	5. Ch 5: Welcome Home

**Title: **The Journal

**Series: **Stargate Atlantis

**Theme: **General/Romance/Mystery

**Characters: **Main Cast of SGA

**Rating/Warning: **PG-13/Mild Language/**SEASON 5 SPOILER**

**Summary: **It was a simple question. Straight forward and honest, like the man who asked it and yet powerful enough to bring Sam close to tears.

**Links: **devinem27 (dot) livejournal (dot) com

**Chapter 5: Welcome Home**

The sudden flash of light and resounding swoosh of the event horizon briefly drew John's attention. It was a sight that he never tired of and doubted he ever would. John leaned against the upper railing, just outside of the control center, and glanced down at the gate room below. Nearly twenty military and civilian personnel were preparing to depart for Stargate Command; their notices of reassignment having arrived less than a week ago, along with the news that Atlantis would be receiving a new expedition leader. The latter news had come as a surprise to everyone, including the current leader, Col. Samantha Carter.

John was saddened to see her go. Over the last year, he'd grown to trust and respect Sam's command. She had the field experience and scientific knowledge needed to successfully muddle through the ciaos that they handled on a daily basis. But what saddened him even more, was the fact that her temporary replacement would be Woolsey.

John sighed as personnel began to enter the wormhole and turned to the woman on his left.

"Well, I guess it's about that time."

Sam turned from the gate and slowly nodded. Together, they made their way down the stairwell leading to the gate room.

"Anything you plan on getting done before Woolsey arrives?"

John looked back over his shoulder at Rodney's solemn figure, standing near the top of the stairwell. He glanced down at the gate in time to see Katie Brown wave goodbye, before stepping through the event horizon. John turned back to Sam and sighed.

"Yeah, trying to cheer up a friend."

When they reached the lower level, Sam briefly glanced at Rodney.

"He'll pull through. He just needs a little time."

John nodded.

She turned to John and shook his hand.

"It's been a pleasure."

John smiled.

"Same here."

"I leave Atlantis in your capable hands."

John tipped his head in acknowledgement.

"Goodbye and good luck."

Sam smiled.

"Same to you, John."

John stood back, giving Sam a moment to take one last look around the city before she headed for the gate. With one last smile and a quick wave, she was gone. John made his way up the stairs taking them two at a time. Pausing beside Rodney, he gently shoved the other man's shoulder.

"Come on. Let's go drown our sorrows in a couple of large bowls of blue jello."

* * *

**Stargate Command**

Sam inhaled the moment she stepped out of the wormhole. She glanced towards the end of the loading ramp and smiled. Slowly making her way forward, she nodded at General Landry and walked into the waiting arms of Dr. Daniel Jackson. He squeezed her gently before letting go.

"It's good to see you, Sam."

"You too, Daniel. Sir."

General Landry shook her hand.

"Welcome home, Colonel. After your check up, I'll need to give you a quick debrief, but after that you're fee to go. For the moment, please excuse me, I have a few phone calls to make."

Daniel took one of Sam's bags and walked with her to the infirmary.

"Once you're all done here, I'll take you to the hotel where you'll be staying. It has a new restaurant that's supposed to be really nice. We were planning to have a celebratory dinner in your honor at around seven-thirty, unless you're too tired."

Sam's brow knotted.

"A hotel? I could stay at the SGC."

Daniel turned up his lips.

"Vala _suggested_ it."

Sam did nothing to cover her smirk.

"Ahhh! And how is Ms. Mal Doran these days?"

Daniel mumbled under his breath.

"We're engaged."

Sam stopped in her tracks and turned to face him.

"Excuse me? Did you say…..engaged?"

Daniel glanced up out of the corner of his eyes and adjusted his glasses. He knew what was coming, but tried to think of something that would distract her.

"Yes, I said engaged."

Sam laughed.

"I knew it! I told y-."

"Did I tell you that Jack was in town?"

Sam's eyes widened.

"General O'Neill is here?"

Daniel slipped his hands into his pockets and slowly rocked from heel to toe.

"Don't you mean Major General Jack O'Neill, U.S.A.F., retired?"

He slowly smiled.

"Yes he's in town. Jack heard you were coming back and decided to make a trip, Teal'c as well."

Sam turned continuing down the hall.

"How did they find out?"

"Cameron. You know how he is about 'getting the band back together' whenever he can."

"I would have thought they'd both be too busy to get away."

Daniel smirked.

"Are you kidding? When I suggested dinner, they both had the same reply."

Sam smiled.

"And what was that?"

Daniel gave her a telling glance.

"Undomesticated equines could not keep me away."

* * *

**Later That Evening**

"So Teal'c is out, Daniel loses a contact and is down, leaving me against Vala. I'm thinking to myself, 'game over'. There's no way, _no way_ that she could possibly take me."

Cameron glanced across the table at Vala's smiling face and shook his head.

"I don't know what the hell she called it. The, the…Cai..Cake ta-."

"The Qaik-Ta, Teal'c taught it to me."

Cameron nodded at Vala, but rolled his eyes.

"Whatever, I didn't even see it happen. She hit me so damned hard, man, I though my teeth would shatter. Before I knew it, I was flat on my ass and the game was over. I don't care what anyone says. She tried to kill me."

Sam wiped the tears from her face. She was laughing so hard, she could hardly breathe. Jack, Vala and even Teal'c were laughing as well.

Daniel tried to cover his grin.

"Cam, Vala did _not_ try to kill you."

Mitchell leaned back in his chair and folded his arms.

"The hell she didn't."

Cam glanced down at his watch.

"Well anyway, Teal'c, if we're going to get you back in time, we should go in a few minutes."

Teal'c bowed his head, which was covered by a black beanie, in acknowledgement. After paying for the meal and gathering their things, the small group moved from the restaurant into the hotel lobby. They exchanged numbers, shared hugs and wished each other good night, before finally going their separate ways.

* * *

**12:00a.m. **

Sam shifted the book to one hand and reached for her glass of wine. It was a best selling murder mystery that she'd picked up earlier today at the mall, along with her new cell phone. While on Atlantis, she'd never had the time to sit down with a good book and relax. It wasn't something that she did often; only when she needed to clear her mind and tonight was one of those nights.

Sam was startled when her phone suddenly sprang to life, vibrating against the glass end table. She flipped it open and noticed that a new text message had been received. Sam navigated her way through the phone's menu until the message appeared. She glanced at the sender's info and smiled.

_Are you up?_

Her reply was simple.

_Yes_.

It didn't take long to get a response.

_Feel like having company? _

Sam smiled as she sent her text.

_Sure._

The phone vibrated again a few seconds later.

_See you in twenty._

* * *

When a knock sounded at the door, Sam felt her stomach muscles tighten. Since the last text message, she'd grown more nervous with every minute that passed and more anxious with every second. Slowly making her way to the door, she glanced through the peep hole before flipping the lock. As the door opened, he glanced up meeting her gaze. Sam stepped back, inviting him into the room and closed the door behind him. She caught the scent of his cologne as he walked by; it was warm and earthy, reminding her of the outdoors.

She watched as he slipped off his jacket and tossed it on the back of a chair, before leaning against the arm of the sofa. He glanced around the room.

"Nice. Expensive?"

Sam smiled, his question immediately putting her at ease. The sense of familiarity and comfort returned.

"The Air Force is picking up the tab."

"Hhmm, even better."

He sighed, glancing down at his hands, which were loosely folded together.

"So, how are you?"

Sam nodded.

"I'm good."

He titled his head, giving her a knowing look. Sam shrugged.

"Okay, I'm a little angry."

He arched a brow.

"A little?"

She held up her hands in surrender.

"Well okay, it's more like pissed. That little weasel back stabbed me and then volunteered to 'temporarily' take my place, when it's clear he just wants the job for himself. _Uh_, if I could catch him alone for a few minutes, I'd beat his as-."

Sam stopped her rant mid-sentence and glanced up to find him watching her intently.

"A little upset, huh."

Deciding change to subject, she asked a question.

"How have you been?"

He shrugged.

"Well, you know me, just staying busy."

Sam grew quiet. She tried to think of something else to say, but her brain refused to work. It was as if it had shut down and placed an 'out for lunch' sign in the window.

"Hey."

She glanced up as he held out his hand.

"Come here."

Sam slowly stepped forward and placed her hand in his. He used his free hand to gently caress her check and gazed into her eyes.

"Are you happy, Carter?"

It was a simple question. Straight forward and honest, like the man who asked it and yet powerful enough to bring Sam close to tears. She bowed her head to hide the gathering moisture.

"No, not really."

He lifted her chin, returning her gaze to his.

"Are you sure, absolutely sure, that this is what you want?"

Sam nodded, even as the tears rolled down her cheeks.

He stood, cupping her face with his hands and brushed the tears away with his thumbs.

"If we do this, everything changes. There's no going back."

She sighed.

"I know, but fighting this is useless. We've tried ignoring it, we've both pursued other relationships, you moved across the country and I even moved a galaxy away, but no matter what, we always end up here. It's time we accept the truth and take a chance. I love you too much not to try."

Jack tilted his head, capturing her lips in a deep, passionate kiss. When it ended, he glanced down at her slightly swollen lips and gently brushed them with the tip of his finger. He rested his head against hers and sighed.

"I love you too."

Sam readily went into his arms as he gathered her in another embrace. She held on tight; savoring his scent, his warmth, his taste. She'd missed this. It had called to her from millions of miles away. This was what she'd left behind. This was what her heart longed for. This was home.


	6. Ch 6: Journal Entries

**Title: **The Journal

**Series: **Stargate Atlantis

**Theme: **General/Romance/Mystery

**Characters: **Main Cast of SGA

**Rating/Warning: **PG-13/Mild Language

**Summary: **Many leave simple messages, gossip, jokes, songs and stories. But some leave their innermost secrets.

**Links: **devinem27 (dot) livejournal (dot) com

**Journal Entries**

_I'm finally home._ For sometime I feared that I would never see it again, but here I am. Things are different; a new location, new faces and some friends lost, but there are also many things that are still the same. I walk through these halls, thinking of all that I've accomplished here, knowing that someday my work will be used to help others. I can't help but feel a sense of overwhelming pride. And then reality sets in.

I have done nothing. I don't belong here. Everything that I remember was done by someone else. He is not me and I am not him, nor could I ever replace him. My presence brings others comfort, but it can also place them in great danger. I am a liability, undeserving of the faith and trust that they place in me.

Knowing all of this, I still stay. I have no choice, there is nowhere else to go. So I embrace the comfort that they find in my presence and endeavor to become worthy of their devotion, if that is even possible.

**C.C. **

_Okay, so I'm not the best with people._ I know this. Hell, _everyone_ in Atlantis knows this. I am hated by many, feared by some and tolerated by others. And then there are those that consider me their friend. They like me as I am. They accept my faults and they encourage me to grow as a person. So in a way, this is all their fault…… (J_oking_).

I hurt someone, emotionally. And even though that wasn't my intent, I still feel like a complete jerk. I did my usual thing. I became so self absorbed that I didn't take notice of her feelings. Even now, when I think back to that moment, I wonder what I could have done differently. If only I had taken a moment to look at her; to see her face, or look into her eyes, I would have seen her sadness and maybe I could have done something about it. But now it's too late. Time and distance has separated us. And the one thing that I'd like to say to her just doesn't seem right when written on a sheet of paper.

Who, knows? Maybe it's just me. I've never been any good at saying 'I'm sorry'.

**Are You Kidding Me? **

I am surrounded by men everyday. Some are colleagues, acquaintances and friends and then there are those that are like family; those that I love.

There is one in particular, with whom I share a special bond. We've shared everything with each other; the pain of loss, sad memories, dark secrets and our hopes and dreams of the future. Lately, we've been spending a lot of time together and I've noticed a change. What has changed? I'm not sure. He hasn't done or said anything and neither have I, but the change is there none the less.

Our friendship is constantly growing. It has survived many ups and downs over the years and has become stronger because of it. _But_ this, this is different. It's a feeling that I get when he enters the room or he stands near me. When he looks at me and smiles the feeling intensifies, making me self conscious, off center. I've never felt like this before with a man; sure of myself and yet unsure of how he sees me.

Something has awakened in me, a new awareness, a more conscious level of our friendship, or maybe …love……..

**teal**

_Riddle Answer: A Nose_

A Riddle:

- All day long, it's in and out.

- I discharge loads from my shaft.

- Both men and women go down on me.

The answer? I'll tell you later. In the mean time…..

**Clear Your Dirty Mind**


	7. Ch 7: Six Months & Counting

**Title: **The Journal

**Series: **Stargate Atlantis

**Theme: **General/Romance/Mystery

**Characters: **Main Cast of SGA

**Rating/Warning: **PG-13/Mild Language

**Summary: **No matter how long it took, for as long as she needed him, he would be here…..waiting..

**Links: **devinem27 (dot) livejournal (dot) com

**Chapter 7: Six Months & Counting**

It had become something of a ritual; five o'clock, hit the snooze button, five fifteen, stumble out of bed. Watch out for the skate board, toe still stings from last encounter. Five thirty, force self out of steaming hot shower and get dressed. Five forty-five, swing by mess hall for a morning snack. John glanced down at his watch. It was five fifty-seven. He'd have to hurry if he wanted to be on time. Looking at the door at the far end of the corridor, he quickened his pace.

* * *

The pain from the birth of her stillborn son had driven Teyla into a world of silence. Not even the death of Michael, whose experimental drugs caused the baby's death, brought her any comfort. The doctors told John that she would need time, time for her body and her heart to heal and distance, but he hadn't been able to stay away.

Teyla's silence disturbed John on an emotional level that he wasn't yet willing to face, but he refused to abandon her in a time of need. She wasn't the only one who grieved for her lost child and there was no reason for her to do so alone. Early one morning, after another sleepless night of tossing and turning, John rose to invite Teyla to join him for breakfast. He'd just knocked on her door, when he caught a glimpse of her petite frame out of the corner of his eye. John opened his mouth to call her name, but something had held him back. Instead, he chose to follow her.

That day John observed Teyla from afar; he watched her graceful, yet determined, stride as she made her way down the corridor, returning greetings with the curve of her lips and a small nod of her head. Not once did she speak, but no one seemed to notice, assuming that her lack of a verbal response was part of her reserved nature. Teyla went to the mess hall, where she grabbed a quick snack, before continuing on to a secluded balcony in the upper levels of the southwest part of the city. There she spent the majority of her day in solitude, grieving, meditating or simply lost in thought, only leaving for refreshment or to rest in her room.

The next day John rose early, yet again. At six o'clock he strolled through the balcony doors, sat on the bench next to Teyla and offered her a small smile, as if his being there was an everyday occurrence, then proceeded to enjoy his morning snack. He could feel Teyla's eyes on him, hear the questions she would not say, but John wouldn't look at her. He neither spoke, nor attempted to touch her in anyway; he was simply there. After finishing his meal, John sat back and enjoyed the warm rays of the morning sun for about an hour, before offering Teyla another smile and departing.

Days passed were Teyla neither invited nor rejected John's presence. She spent much of her time gazing sightlessly out at the horizon, but sometimes she cried. The first time had nearly killed him. John had forced himself to watch as Teyla sat hunched over in grief, gasping for the very air which her sobs robbed of her. He'd made a stupid vow to allow her to initiate contact and was determined to stick with it, though her cries tore at his soul. Every second felt likes days of torment, pushing him to the edge of surrender. John had been close, so close to breaking that he'd barely noticed the soft brush of her fingers tips against his wrist. It had only taken one look at the silent plea in her eyes for him to envelop her in his embrace.

By the fourth week John began to notice changes in Teyla's behavior. Rather than ignoring his arrival, she turned to silently greet him each morning. Instead of sitting on the farthest end of the bench she sat closer, occasionally clasping his hand or resting her head on his shoulder as she cried. It was during one such visit that John received a precious gift. He felt the gentle brush of Teyla's thumb against his hand, as she inhaled deeply.

"Thank you….for being here."

John knew that Teyla had felt him stiffen, but chose not to comment. He was only glad that her head rested on his shoulder and that she couldn't see his expression or the moisture in his eyes. As it was, his heart raced a mile minute and his breathing had grown rapid. After a moment or two, John was able to gain control of him self enough to respond.

"You're welcome."

The rest of their morning was spent in silence, but for John those few words had been more than enough.

* * *

John sighed as the balcony doors slide open. That had been over five months ago. There was a lot that had changed since then. Teyla glanced over her shoulder and smiled with surprise.

"You're early."

John smirked as he sat next to her.

"Good morning to you, too."

He watched as her grin spread into a beautiful smile and felt his heart lighten. Teyla was her usual self again, but he knew her heart was far from healed. The sadness that lingered in her eyes would take many months to fade, but that was fine. No matter how long it took, for as long as she needed him, he would be here…..waiting.


	8. Ch 8: Journal Entries

**Title: **The Journal

**Series: **Stargate Atlantis

**Theme: **General/Romance/Mystery

**Characters: **Main Cast of SGA

**Rating/Warning: **PG-13/Mild Language

**Summary: **Many leave simple messages, gossip, jokes, songs and stories. But some leave their innermost secrets.

**Links: **devinem27 (dot) livejournal (dot) com

**Journal Entries**

_It's not laziness, but a need for privacy._ Not charm, but a mask. Not flirtation, but rather aloofness,……well occasionally it _is_ flirtation, but not nearly as often as some of you may think. Relationships, serious relationships, have never been easy for me. I could lie and say that things just never seem to workout, but the truth is it's me. My life is riddled with regret and failure and I've made a habit holding back that part of myself which is most fragile; shielding it from looks of disappointment, protecting it from the pain of loss.

Once, I tried putting my feelings into words. It was a last ditch effort to save something that was important to me, something of value. Of course, I failed miserably and have, since then, never attempted to do so again. I simply came to the conclusion that there was a science to expressing emotion that I just didn't understand and never would. Resigned to yet another failure, I pressed on. For years, I lived on in ignorant 'bliss', until one day I was forced to face an unsettling possibility; life without…..her.

I've lost many friends on Earth and here in Atlantis, but her being there was something that I always took for granted. I couldn't fathom a world without her in it. When the Lanteans returned, something inside me knew it was only a matter of time before we all returned home. Even when faced with the fact that she shared a bond with another, in all ways that mattered, she was still mine. But then, she was gone and suddenly all the failures of the past no longer mattered. Words that had been bottled up, waiting to be released, echoed through my mind: _I miss you, I need you, I love you…_

Isn't it funny? I've finally found the words needed to express how I feel, but there's this one thing that keeps holding me back:

**Fear of Rejection**

_

* * *

_

All the things I've done before this

They don't mean a thing  
And all the words spoken before this  
Wont be said again  
Suddenly so much of me has  
No need 2 pretend  
Cause there's nothing like the truth  
To bring her back to u  
And everyone I've met before this  
Ain't seen me with u

Angel Angel Angel  
Angel My Angel My Angel

You're the only one who knows what I go through  
Sometimes you even feel it more than me, baby  
And I don't know how I ever got by without u  
There's nothing like the truth  
And I've got nothing left 2 lose  
And every night I thank the universe that I found u

Angel My Angel My Angel

And I don't have 2 wonder  
What the world thinks about me  
I know you're in my corner  
You're always surrounding me  
With your love

And if we all explode  
See, we would never know  
But I just hope the pieces of my soul  
Reach out 2 u 2 find my angel

My Angels My Angels  
Angels My Angels  
My Angels

Song: Angels

Singer: Robin Thicke

Another great love song by an amazing singer. Simply beautiful.

**Lyric from the Heart**

_A woman says to her friend:_ "I am a very big hearted person."

The friend asked: "Why do you say that?"

The woman replied: "Today I gave a bum 100."

The friend asked: "What did your husband say?"

The woman smiled at her friend and replied: "He said 'thank you'."

You know you want to laugh! LOL! Oh, and by the way……..

_Riddle Answer: An Elevator_

A Riddle:

- I need licking before the pricking.

- My end slides into a very small hole.

- I can slip out at the wrong moment.

The answer? I'll tell you later. In the mean time…..

**Clear Your Dirty Mind**

It's not the same as before. The basics are the same; admiration, respect, trust, physical attraction and, of course, love, but this time there is so much more. Before, there was comfort in familiarity, now there is still comfort in the known and excitement in what is yet to be discovered. Instead of an amiable friendship that has grown into a quiet, gentle love, there is an indescribable joy, an undeniable sense of belonging and an all consuming passion waiting to be set free…..if only I could be sure.

Once, there was a spark of desire that burned between us, but instead of fanning the flames we allowed to smolder and slowly die. After a while, I moved on, but now the flame has returned, burning as bright as ever. I pray, only, that it is not too late.

**teal**


	9. Ch 9: Unsure

**Title: **The Journal

**Series: **Stargate Atlantis

**Theme: **General/Romance/Mystery

**Characters: **Main Cast of SGA

**Rating/Warning: **PG-13/Mild Language

**Summary: **It was one of those rare moments where instead of wallowing in his own self misery, which he didn't have the guts to face at the moment, he focused on those around him.

**Links: **devinem27 (dot) livejournal (dot) com

**Chapter 9: Unsure**

"Does anyone know who it belongs to?"

Rodney looked from John to Carson, both shook their heads, and then finally at Ronon, who shrugged and glanced away. Rodney mumbled under his breath before taking a sip of coffee.

"Someone should throw the damned thing away. It's a nuisance."

Ronon turned back to the table and stared at Rodney. It was obvious he had something to say, but decided to stay quiet for the moment. Instead, he titled his chair back on its hind legs and continued to silently study his teammate. John and Carson watched as Rodney's eyes grew wide. A blind man could see how uneasy he was under Ronon's unblinking gaze. After a few moments of fidgeting guiltily in his chair, Rodney finally broke.

"What?!"

Ronon slowly grinned and shrugged once more.

"Nothing, it's just that I've stumbled across you reading the journal a few times. Once, I even saw you writing in it. I thought that maybe it belonged to you."

Rodney's face stiffened and his eyes shifted back and forth.

"I did no such thing. I wouldn't waste my time reading that garbage, let alone adding to it. You must have mistaken someone else for me."

Rodney ignored the smirks and sighs of disbelief and stuck to his story. Ronon's grin grew into a knowing smile and he arched a brow.

'You're a liar and a very bad one at that."

Carson broke off Rodney's protest before he could get it out.

"Rodney, even I've seen you reading the bloody thing. You don't need to lie, laddie, we've all read your entry. It was pretty obvious that it was you."

Rodney frowned, no longer trying to deny use of the journal.

"What do you mean 'it was obvious'?! I was very diligent about maintaining my anonymity."

John shared a look with Ronon before replying to Rodney's question.

"Well, the writer mentioned not being good with people and having very few friends. I think the words jerk and self centered wer-."

Carson interrupted.

"…self absorbed…"

"…thank you….and self absorbed were used, sucking at apologies and, of course, the signature: Are you kidding me; that's all you Rodney. You might as well have signed your name."

Rodney looked devastated. He glanced at the others.

"Do you think anyone else will figure it out?"

They all nodded.

Ronon reached over and playfully punched him in the shoulder.

"Don't worry, McKay. No one else even likes you enough to care, except maybe Teyla. And Jennifer. Well, Zelenka might get a kick out of it. And Lorne. Maybe a few of the Marines and-."

"_Thank you_, Ronon. I get the idea."

Rodney slouched in his chair. It was bad enough having been dumped by his girlfriend, without having the whole of Atlantis knowing about it. Now, they knew that it was his fault as well. Great! Rodney looked at his friends, each seemingly lost in thought. It was one of those rare moments where instead of wallowing in his own self misery, which he didn't have the guts to face at the moment, he focused on those around him.

"Have any of you written in the journal?"

When no one responded, he sat straighter in his chair.

"Oh, come on! Give me something. You guys know my secret. It's time to ante up."

Carson shifted in his seat. He felt no reason to deny that he'd written in the journal. He hadn't really tried to hide his identity.

"I have."

He glanced around the table.

"I thought you guys would have figured it out fairly easily. Who else, in this city, would consider themselves a carbon copy of someone else?"

Rodney lowered his gaze, now regretting his question. Some things may have changed, but he still didn't seem to know when to shut up.

John could pick up on Rodney's distress and Carson's sadness, so he simply said what they all felt.

"Carson, you are not a copy. To be a copy, all of your memories, experiences and decisions would have to be exactly the same as the Carson who passed away, but they're not. From the moment you were created, your life became your own. You can't be him, any more than he could be you. I know you think that your presence here brings us comfort and, to a point, it does, but we still mourn the loss of our friend. We've just been lucky enough to meet a new friend that kind of reminds us of him. That's all."

Carson let out a small laugh and felt some of the weight on his chest dissipate. If felt good to know that someone saw him for who he truly was.

"Thanks laddie."

John grinned, before taking a sip from his cup.

Rodney, feeling more at ease now that Carson seemed to relax, pressed on with his question.

"What about you Ronon? Have you written in the journal?"

"No…"

Ronon's respond was swift and felt a bit unfinished, but instead of pushing his luck Rodney moved on to John.

"Have you?"

John glanced down into his now empty cup and sighed. He could feel their eyes on him. John didn't try to fool him self into believing that Carson and Ronon hadn't figured out what he'd wrote, but if Rodney was too blind catch on, he refused to give him any hints. Well,...maybe just one.

"Yeah."


	10. Ch 10: Journal Entries

**Title: **The Journal

**Series: **Stargate Atlantis

**Theme: **General/Romance/Mystery

**Characters: **Main Cast of SGA

**Rating/Warning: **PG-13/Mild Language

**Summary: **Many leave simple messages, gossip, jokes, songs and stories. But some leave their innermost secrets.

**Links: **devinem27 (dot) livejournal (dot) com

**Journal Entries**

_Killing is easy. _Any fool with a big enough gun or a sharp enough blade can do it. It's not something that has to be taught or planned, any simple accident will do. I've seen enough death to carry me into the afterlife. And, at times, have known enough pain to long for death, but when I've least expected it a caring, compassionate soul offered me hope where there had been none before.

Even before my dark journey began, I gravitated towards those who dedicated their lives to helping others. I guess that's way it's no surprise for me to find myself drawn to such a person now. She is warm, giving and has an amazing strength of conviction. In a small way, she reminds me of a love lost years ago.

Much has changed since that time, me in particular. The poet, the musician, the lover, lies deeply buried underneath hundreds of scars. I had begun to think that I would never see those sides of myself again, but she gives me hope. And maybe, just maybe, I will learn to truly live again.

**Ghost**

_Riddle Answer: Thread_

A Riddle:

- I'm pink and moist.

- My juices make you pucker.

- I'm split down the middle.

The answer? I'll tell you later. In the mean time…..

**Clear Your Dirty Mind**

_Life is never simple._ The road is never straight and narrow, but twists and turns along the way. So is it any wonder, that after years of searching for the elusive answer to my question of being 'in love', that I should find myself staring it in the face. I am in love, truly in love. It resonates through my heart, my mind, my soul, giving me the courage I need to do the unthinkable. I love him and I think it's time that I told him so….

**teal**

_Who does this journal belong to? _I must admit that I've been racking my brain and can't seem to figure it out. The clues are all here, but there seems to be an important element that has been ignored or overlooked.

So far I've come to the conclusion that it is a woman. Why, because I don't know too many men who are brave enough to admit that they keep a journal. Well, not a non-electronic one anyway. This woman considers herself an outsider; possibly because she's new to the base or possibly because she's very shy and a bit of a recluse.

Whatever her reasoning, something has happened. Something that she's having problems dealing with emotionally; something that can't or won't be ignored.

Well, that my two cents. What do you think?

**Curious **


	11. Ch 11: Finding Love

**Title: **The Journal

**Series: **Stargate Atlantis

**Theme: **General/Romance/Mystery

**Characters: **Main Cast of SGA

**Rating/Warning: **PG-13/Mild Language

**Summary: **It had no name, nor could it be described, but in an instant she knew what it was.

**Links: **devinem27 (dot) livejournal (dot) com

**Chapter 11: Finding Love**

Teyla silently watched as the ocean waves crashed against the base of the southeast pier. As they broke, each wave dispersed into a shower of mist which was carried up and away by the wind. Teyla closed her eyes as the refreshing spray of the afternoon breeze reached her. She laughed as the small beads of moisture tickled her skin.

Teyla leaned into John's side and smiled as he wrapped his arm around her. She sighed and slipped her arms around his waist. It felt good, being in his arms, being sheltered by his strength and his warmth. If only it could last forever. Teyla knew that soon she would have to speak. She'd invited John to lunch on the balcony for a specific purpose and refused to let her fears and uncertainty deter her from her goal. Before her courage deserted her, she spoke.

"John?"

"Hhmm?"

She grinned, feeling the vibrations of his voice against her check.

"I love you."

Teyla felt him stiffen. She glanced and found him frowning down at her. Teyla reached up and smoothed the frown away with her finger tips.

"I'm not saying it to thank you for being here to comfort me while I grieved from my son. I'm not saying it because I'm lonely and want someone to replace Kannan. I _am_ saying it because I admire you, respect you and trust you. You are my dearest friend and I would happily give my life for yours-."

"Tey-."

Ssshhh."

She placed a finger across his lips.

"Let me finish. You are brave and kind, selfless and smart, all of the things a woman could want in a man. I tell you this, because I want you to realize that my love for you didn't occur overnight in a sudden rush of emotion, but has been slowly building over the years. It is only now that I am able to say the words and truly mean them with all my heart."

Teyla looked at John's stunned expression and smiled.

"Yes, I love you, with all my heart and soul."

John swallowed hard. He felt as if his mouth was full of sand. Hundreds of words, thoughts and emotions tumbled from his brain down his throat and rushed to burst free. He rested his forehead against Teyla's and took a deep breath. When he did finally speak, his words came out in a dry croak.

"I love you, too…….but there is something I must tell you first."

Once those words came tumbling out speech became easier. John let out a long sigh, before lifting haunted eyes that gazed into Teyla's.

"I tried not to be angry,….jealous of you and Kannan, but I couldn't help myself. I often wished….that you and Kannan hadn't …..and that his child were mine, but I never meant for anyone to die. Teyla, you have to believe me, I never meant-. "

She covered his mouth with her hand.

"You had nothing to do with what happened to my son or Kannan. It was all Michael's doing. Even he wasn't one hundred percent sure of the affects his medicine would have on the baby, but what he did to my people, what he did to Kannan and others like him, was out and out murder. We all though that Carson's retro-virus would work, but unfortunately the affects were only temporary, without Michael's enzyme it was no use. You, yourself, hunted down Michael and brought back all of his records, there just wasn't enough time."

Teyla caressed his face.

"Don't ever compare yourself to that monster. Ever. And nothing that you've said changes how I feel."

John let out a breath that he hadn't realized he'd been holding. Slowly, he smiled. He lowered his head, capturing Teyla in a passionate kiss that expressed all the love and joy he felt in his heart.

Teyla let out a small sigh of pleasure. She found joy in John's taste, his smell, his warmth, but there was also something else. It had no name, nor could it be described, but in an instant she knew what it was. Teyla was truly and deeply 'in love'.


	12. Ch 12: Journal Entries

**Title: **The Journal

**Series: **Stargate Atlantis

**Theme: **General/Romance/Mystery

**Characters: **Main Cast of SGA

**Rating/Warning: **PG-13/Mild Language

**Summary: **Many leave simple messages, gossip, jokes, songs and stories. But some leave their innermost secrets.

**Links: **devinem27 (dot) livejournal (dot) com

**Journal Entries**

_Okay, so I'm confused._ Exactly how many men can one woman juggle? Especially, when one is a ridiculously handsome, testosterone oozing tree of muscles and the other one is….well….not. What gives? Claim the lion or throw him back to the pack. There are plenty of felines here who would love to get there claws in him. Honey, make up your mind.

I closing my mouth, but keeping my eyes wide open.

**Hush**

_Riddle Answer: Grapefruit_

A joke:

A man goes to the doctor for his yearly physical. Before he leaves that doctor gives him a small jar.

"Fill this container with a sperm sample and come back to see me again in one week."

Exactly one week later the man returns to the doctor's office and hands the physician an empty jar. Before the doctor can ask, the man begans to explain.

"Now Doc, I know you told me to bring back a sample and I tried, I really did. I started with my right hand and then I tried with my left. When that wouldn't work my wife tried with her right hand and then her left as well. Hell, I even had my neighbor to give it a try."

The doctor's eyebrows rose.

"Your neighbor?"

The man nodded.

"We kept at it for hours at a time, sometimes going late into the night. We tried and tried and tried, but no matter what we did, we just couldn't get that damned lid off the jar."

LOL! In the mean time…..

**Clear Your Dirty Mind**

_A friend once told me that writing was good for the soul. _That at times, it can be just as good as therapy. She said that some things, some experiences are just too painful to be spoken aloud and that that's okay. That it takes time to find the proper way to express certain deep emotions and that sometimes the journey of finding your outlet, is just as important as the end result.

My friend is gone. She was but one of the many candles that briefly lit the way through this journey I call life. I miss her. I miss our talks. I miss her wisdom. And yet, I know that she is with me. It was her voice in my head that planted the seed that grew into this journal and for that I thank her.

This journal has helped me through a very painful experience. It, along with a few very close friends, has helped me to remember that I am not alone, nor do I grieve alone. I can only hope that in some way this journal has helped you too.

**teal**


	13. Ch 13: Epilogue

**Title: **The Journal

**Series: **Stargate Atlantis

**Theme: **General/Romance/Mystery

**Characters: **Main Cast of SGA

**Rating/Warning: **PG-13/Mild Language

**Summary: **The lost, grieving woman that had left that journal in the lounge no longer existed.

**Links: **devinem27 (dot) livejournal (dot) com

**Epilogue**

Susan looked up as the lounge doors slid open and found Teyla Emmagan smiling down at her.

"Hello."

Susan stuttered in surprise.

"H..h..hi."

She set down the journal and began to rise from the table. To stop her, Teyla held out her hand.

"Please don't let me interrupt you. I was just checking to see if more coffee needed to be made."

Susan eased back into the chair and glanced at Teyla. She watched as the other woman crossed to the side counter and checked the contents of the carafe. Teyla had always been a bit of a mystery to her; she was pleasant, kind, but a bit aloof in some ways. Susan was surprised to know that Teyla knew of this room and from the sound of things, she visited it often, which made Susan wonder if she knew who the owner of the journal was.

"Ms. Emmagan?"

Teyla glanced up from the coffee pot.

"Please, call me Teyla."

Susan smiled.

"Teyla, do you know who this journal belongs to?"

Teyla glanced thoughtfully at the book in Susan's hands and nodded.

"Yes, I do….or rather I did."

Susan lowered her voice even though they were the only two people in the room.

"Can you tell me who it is?"

Teyla shrugged.

"I will not give you a name, but I will tell you that that person is…gone. I haven't seen them in quite some time."

Susan frowned. She wouldn't push the issue, because she had no right. If Teyla wished to protect the privacy of a friend, Susan would respect that and take her at her word.

"Well, I'll leave you to your reading. Good night."

Teyla made her way to the door and exited the lounge. In a way, she had told the truth. The lost, grieving woman that had left that journal in the lounge no longer existed. Over time, she'd slowly faded from the mirror's reflection, leaving behind the image of the woman that Teyla was today.

_**Author's Note:** A l__ist of alias names and corresponding characters can be found at the link listed above. _


End file.
